Is This Punishment Enough?

The vast, ruthless sea beneath calls to me. 

Murky water bashes against the sides of the boat. Constant splashes spray over the edge and drench me in a foul-smelling liquid. Why did I agree to this? 

The rocking of the vessel makes my stomach jostle inside the even-smaller cage of a body, with the safety vest tightly secured over my ribcage. I can feel each wave crashing against the boat as if it’s hitting my own chest. 

He looks towards me. “How are you finding this? Other girls tend to get pretty freaked out being this far out in the water, but you seem fine.” 

“Oh, yeah. Perfectly peachy!” I laugh, trying to cover up the weight clashing against my chest. 

“See, that’s what I like about you. You’re chill and ready to get adventurous. It’s good.” He flashes a smile at me, his hands weirdly slapping around the steering wheel, which doesn’t make me any more comfortable with being on this weird floating thing in the middle of an endless body of water. “It’s a turn-on, even,” he adds, his grin never quite meeting his eyes, though it tries to force itself to. I want off.

“I’ve met plenty of adventurous girls,” I say simply. He just laughs. 

“So, Bells—,” I hate the nickname Bells. I already told him that as we clambered into this stupid death machine. “What are your life dreams?”

“I’m not really too sure, to be honest.” To get off this boat with you is a current one. “Maybe something to do with my photography. I quite like taking pictures of different things, seeing the world through the lens of different people. I like capturing people doing regular, everyday things—like a dad preparing dinner, or a mum out for a walk. I’ve even photographed a couple of protests, which were really interesting. Getting to be amongst all those people.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I think I might start up a business or something. I’m not really sure what it would be about, to be honest. Or maybe do something with AI—that seems to be popular, doesn’t it?” He glanced at me before going back into the conversation, not really checking if I was involved in it.

“Or maybe even a podcast. They’re also popular, and I see those guys making shittons of money and I’d love a piece of that. It doesn’t even seem that hard, just set up a mic and talk about whatever comes to my mind. That sounds amazing. I do that now and don’t get paid for it, so may as well get a good setup, make a podcast, make a crypto, convince people to invest in it—and then I can dip.” 

He let out a laugh, and I imagined all the things that must be going through his head—trips out with women he’d call the girls. He’d imagine them all bikini-clad, or perhaps he didn’t even give them the dignity of clothes. He’d be surrounded by other men, brandishing shining glasses of whisky in one hand and a comically large cigar in the other, puffing away between laughs with the lads. I zoned back in on his voice, continuing the one-way conversation—never even noticing I hadn’t said a syllable in a while.

“Or maybe something in fitness. I’m trying to get back into my gym grind, and think I could do something with that, to be honest. I could even get a business to collab with me, and then I could have my podcast, free shit, and money from it. I tried out the carnivore diet and I found that to really help with all that extra blood, you know?  Win, win, win. Besides, females like buff dudes, so would win there, too.” He said it, and I could picture him in my head, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh, yeah, cool,” I said. 

Falling into the water right now doesn’t even seem like a bad idea. Maybe, if I tip the boat, he will fall in and then I could steer it away? Only problem is, I don’t know how. 

He slowed the boat down, looking back at me to check if I was watching him maneuver around the machine. His eyes lingered over every inch of my body. If I didn’t feel the fabric itching against my stomach, I would’ve been convinced he somehow managed to remove my clothing without my knowledge. I felt my face twitch as I pulled it into a smile again. So, so obvious. 

But he didn’t seem to notice the resistance at all. 

 “Hey Bels, what’s up with females nowadays? You wouldn’t believe the amount of girls that cancelled at the last minute because they couldn’t deal with such a high value man. Like, be real, your main role on this planet is to pump out babies and feed your husband…” 

“Woah—that is not okay. Women are not babymaking machines. We have hearts and minds. We’re not sexbots.” 

“Yeah, but… You know what I mean. Females are designed for this kind of thing. That’s why you were designed to have tits and a c—” 

I didn’t let him finish the rest of the guttural slur as I pushed him into the water. 

“What the fuck, bitch?” He called as I flapped around with the steering wheel, my other hand trying to turn the engine on, but I couldn’t remember what he did to start it. I was too focused on the looming water. 

He started laughing, even as the water surrounding him threatened to sink him. “See? Females need men. You’re completely useless without us.” 

“Shut up. You’re the one in the water right now, and without me, you’ll drown out here. From my view up here, you need me more than I need you.” 

He stared at me, his mouth gaping open. “Fine. Agree to disagree.”

I stared at him, hands twitching at the steering wheel to check his cheek.

He sighed. “Look, fine. Have it your way, feminist,” (as if that were a bad thing), but without me, we’re not going back home, so it looks like you need me too. So, can we agree to disagree and you let me back on the boat?”

“Fine. Just take us back and let me get off this damned death trap.” I heaved, pulling him up. His soggy, sodden body dripped all over the insides of the boat. At least that shut him up. You can’t be too proud whilst dripping salty water into the boat you drove out on. 

The rest of the journey went by in complete silence, neither of us daring to bring anything back up. But something we both knew for certain was that there wouldn’t be a second date. 

Being on the boat with him was punishment enough.