“It is all so foolish, to love and be loved, knowing it will always end like this, and yet I yearned for it more than I yearned to breathe.”

Synopsis

Two lovers are destined to fall in love in every lifetime…and then kill each other. I found this on Libby, my library’s audiobook service, and decided to give it a try after eying it since December. I’m so glad I did.

As mentioned above, the concept is really intriguing and unlike any book I’d read before. But, what struck me most was the humanity presented throughout this book and how humans will love and destroy, over and over again. The underlying mystery of why they’re caught in this cycle runs throughout the novel and is finally revealed at the end. It creates a beautiful metaphor for the perseverance and strength of both humanity and love.

Love, Death, and Humanity

At its core, this book is about love and what it means to be human. Of course, the two main characters are constantly living and dying, so Evelyn (the main narrator) has many inner monologues about what it means to be human and how humans have progressed over the ages. Still, there are moments when she reflects on the destructive nature of the universe.  

“It never failed to amaze me, even after all these centuries, that the elements cared not for human pain. […] How simple and beautiful life could have been. How far that humanity had strayed.”

This quote almost serves as a reflection on the entirety of human existence, and yet, Steven presents love and humanity as an overall good.

Evelyn continues to be soft and optimistic in the face of their challenges, whereas her love interest, Arden, has become rigid toward the world. Her words of optimism seep into her inner monologues, speaking of the fragility of human life—and yet, how it can leave an everlasting effect on us. As Evelyn reflects: 

“Because that’s the thing about humans – we leave traces of our souls everywhere, as unique and identifying as fingerprints.” 

Steven’s use of romantic language reiterates that the characters are thousands of years old, yet they still retain the element of humanity that carries souls onwards: love.

Death, of course, is also a huge part of their story. The constant cycle of living and dying is presented through the loss of loved ones. The reality of never being able to live the same life again with the same family members. That is the pain that Evelyn feels when she dies. Even with Arden (her murderer), whom she continues to fall in love with in each lifetime, she grieves the lives they could have had, if not for the curse they bear. 

As Steven writes:

 “…even when we are but bones in the earth my eternal heart will love you still, for even when a star does perish its light burns on for millennia…” 

This highlights the deeply human desire to love, and to be loved, in each lifetime.

Gender Identities and Love

Evelyn and Arden are not always born into a girl and boy’s body. Sometimes they are both male, sometimes both female, and so on. Steven’s choice here highlights that love doesn’t need to be heterosexual to be legitimate. Steven particularly emphasises this in the following passage:

“I don’t feel like any of them,” I said slowly. “I don’t feel, in my heart, that I’m a boy. But neither do I feel like I am inherently a girl. My soul isn’t rooted to any of them. I’m just me. No particular body feels more ‘right’ than the other, nor more wrong. They’re just vessels. And with you … it doesn’t matter to me how you look, what form you take.” I tapped the top of his cane. “You’re just you.”

The message is explicitly clear: it doesn’t matter what body Evelyn and Arden are born into—they fall for each other regardless. This was such a great addition to the story, giving Steven a way to explore not only timeless love but also society’s progression through its reactions to homosexuality and gender identities. 

Overall

I will always have a soft spot for stories that cling to what I believe is one of the best parts of being human: the unflinching desire to love and to be loved. Moulin Rouge, my favourite film of all time, constantly references a song by Nat King Cole, Nature Boy, which says: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved, in return.” The continual desire to love someone, even knowing it will end in heartbreak, is something so tragically human and deeply moving.

This story was incredibly gripping. I found myself wanting to pick up a physical copy, because listening to it via audiobook meant waiting for the right time and place, and I was desperate to keep going. As I’ve mentioned, I have a huge soft spot for stories centered around the human experience and love, and how often the two intertwine. That’s why this book earned a five star rating from me—the first in quite a few months.